our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
