I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
