I heard we made out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
