my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
