lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
