I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
