Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
