I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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