Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
