Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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