You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
