the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
