I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
