hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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