I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
