weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
