well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
