hell yes lets make some ravioli
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's get the cat blown out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
