My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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