I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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