no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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