Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
