You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
