Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
