Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
