I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
