We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
