dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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