don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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