I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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