I wish I could teleport
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
