I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
