This is not my ceiling
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
