he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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