She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
