I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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