I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
