I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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