i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A+ Viking dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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