the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just pee around me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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