We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
