I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
