for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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