Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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