I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
