Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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