Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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