so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
