It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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