oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
