The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
