physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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