Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
